Roman came to The Wediko School, The Home’s residential and educational treatment center in New Hampshire, from a wilderness program, where he spent four months sleeping under the stars in Alaska. An educational consultant, enlisted by Roman’s parents, Doug and Faith, recommended Wediko to help the family navigate their son’s significant emotional challenges and behaviors. The move was the latest in a procession of efforts to support Roman’s needs.
Doug and Faith didn’t want to send Roman away—they wanted their child with them, in Chicago. But they had to. They didn’t know that enrolling their 17-year-old-son in a program seven states away would be the very thing that would bring them together.
For Roman, Wediko felt like another abandonment. He was adopted by Doug and Faith from Ukraine when he was just shy of two years old. Roman’s experience was an example of a “high-risk” adoption; he experienced preverbal trauma and was separated from his brothers.
“I rolled in hot,” says Roman. “I hated everyone. I hated everything. I was just mad at the world, and I didn’t understand why.”
Thankfully, the team at Wediko, particularly Brenda Silvano, Roman’s wellness coach, did. “I speak Roman,” she says, her fondness unmistakable. With over 40 years of experience in early childhood trauma, when Brenda met Roman, she didn’t see a big, boisterous teenager who pushes people away. “I saw a scared little boy who needed a teddy bear and a hug,” she says.
“SITTING IN TRUST”
When Roman and Brenda started working together, individually and in weekly family sessions, “it was clear Brenda had his number,” Doug shares. She was firm and set boundaries. “Once he sensed Brenda wasn’t going to back down, the real Roman started to reveal himself.”
Roman fired Brenda 25 times, yet he’d seek refuge in her office when he was storming, and she’d help him make sense of his emotions. Often, she’d translate his feelings to his parents and staff when Roman didn’t have the language. Now he does.
Working with Wediko, the family gained an understanding about how early trauma affects the developing brain. They learned that Roman’s behaviors stem from his trauma, as well as his diagnoses, and that there is a reason he might act in a certain way when you’re showing him love. “Roman was perceiving the world through a lens of trauma that no one had ever explained to him,” says Brenda.
Finally, the family had some clarity. Roman’s parents had been seeking help since he was three. All that time, “No other professional we ever worked with in the past understood Roman and our needs,” says Faith. “Wediko’s expertise and caring saved Roman and our family.”
MOVING FORWARD AS A FAMILY
The family is working on communication and building on successes rather than disappointment, and they have never felt so supported. When asked what changed for him, Roman replies, “I learned there are really good people around that want good things to happen. I started to let go of all the anger… People really do care. I really am loved.”
Last spring, Roman proudly attended Wediko’s awards ceremony, his parents by his side. He expressed emotion and gratitude, thanking staff for “not giving up on me.” Having earned his diploma, Roman has moved on to an independent living program, as he still needs some support. The teddy bear Brenda gave him at graduation came with him. His family is continuing their counseling, but he misses Wediko. “At first, I just wanted to get out of there,” says Roman. “Now I wish I could come back.”
